It takes me forever to notice the most glaring of flaws in my thinking. Having been around many humans, I suspect I may not be the only one like that. However, tons of people seem better able to identify those choices that have made that create distress and difficulty for themselves. I am jealous of them.
For example, I used to wake up disturbingly early to do 45 mins of mindfulness meditation six days a week. This gave me a fresh state of mind with which to begin the day. Unfortunately, during the past academic year, I spent many nights working late. Consequently, I felt no desire to wake up 45 mins earlier than I absolutely had to, so I gave up the meditation. This was not a good choice, but I didn’t really notice I was choosing work over meditation until now. I knew I had been cranky and exhausted for months, but I never thought of choosing not to do what seemed like necessary work so that I could go to bed earlier.
Similarly, this week I recognized that there was a reason that I spent most of the past academic year resigned from my job: I don’t actually like a lot of what I do or, in one unfortunately placed instance, with whom I work. I had rescinded my resignation because I really like many of my co-workers and would miss them and because I really like the idea of summer vacation. My big realization, though, was that I can see my co-workers (until they, too, resign) outside of work and that I don’t really even take a summer vacation. I really like doing research, so I spend the summer months (as well as many evenings during the school year) working as much as I can on that. Because my job is at a school with a heavy teaching load, I am almost doing two jobs, one at work and one during summers, nights, and weekends. I have now determined that this doesn’t make me a wonderful husband, father, son, friend, or person.
To this end, I have started inquiring about non-faculty positions in my geographic area. This is a scary step—given that I have lived on an academic calendar for something like 80% of my life and that being a professor is a huge part of my identity and that I am good at my job(s). But it has taken me too long to notice that I have been hanging on out of fear and that I had several good reasons for resigning initially. Unless the right people die (e.g., me), the ten-month secret farewell tour started yesterday inside my head.
Awesome.
I’m currently starting my own resignation-party-in-my-head…My quitting my job will not be nearly as monumental as your change will be, but definitely long overdue…And, quite possibly, without a Plan B of any kind in place—insane, but…
Good luck with the inquiries! Hope you’re finding some intriguing possibilities out there.
by kl—Jun 1, 08:54 PM
beyond certain roots the kids have set down, the employment of a certain someone close to you, and, of course, the nearness of the paternal and maternal grans, is there any reason why you would want to stay in the area you are currently being used, abused and misused in?
by Balthasar Gracian—Jun 1, 11:02 PM
the main reason to stay here is the certain someone really likes her job and colleagues, and she has moved for my work more than once before. and i am hopeful that there may be a local non-faculty possibility or two that i can look into.
the only way i could stay at my job would involve a resignation or promotion of someone else—neither of which is likely to happen. this is more or less why i resigned before.
resignation without a backup plan was scary but it felt right…until i got extra-scared and started believing that things were better than they really were.
by chris—Jun 2, 07:01 AM